


The Great American Romance

by Know_Your_Paradoxes



Category: Original Work
Genre: Addiction, Car Accidents, Character Death, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, F/M, Falling In Love, Letters, Love Letters, Opioid Epidemic, Other, Social Commentary, second love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2020-03-17 17:20:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 4,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18969598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Know_Your_Paradoxes/pseuds/Know_Your_Paradoxes
Summary: Olivia has never quite fallen in love with anyone, or anyTHING, this hard before. She takes to letters to describe her emotions.





	1. Chapter 1

Dear M,

 

  Hey, it’s Olivia. I know that you’ll probably never read any of these, but I just wanted to say this--I love you. You have no idea how much I need you, or care that you’re there with me by my side every day while I’m still cooped up in this hospital. There’s nothing much I really have to say, except that even when I’m out of here and on my own, I hope that you’re there with me.

 

  When you ask people what they want out of life, I’ve heard some people answer, “I want the Great American Romance.” This has never really made much sense to me, because some romances aren’t great, and most romances aren’t necessarily American. People have this idea that everything associated with America is immediately the most amazing thing that anyone could possibly dream of, but I have a theory that Americans wish for the Great British romance, or the Great Japanese romance, or maybe even the Great Lithuanian romance. But now that I’ve met you, I understand why people want these things. I know why people want the Great American Romance. In America, you’re free to love whoever you want and you can’t be judged for it. (Unless you’re like a pedophile and in love with a 2-year-old. Then yeah, you CAN, and should, be judged for being in love.) And I’ve decided that over the past week that you’ve been here with me that I am in love with you. And if coming out of the hospital means losing you forever, then I don’t want to leave.

 

  Remember the day that I met you? I had just been in the wreck, and I was hurt pretty badly. The doctors were hooking me up to a thousand various machines and needles, all with different jobs. And then you came in with one of the nurses. When the doctors allowed me to have you, I was absolutely giddy with joy. The nurse smiled and said, “Here, now you won’t have any more pain.” And it was true. You helped me through this tough time, and now you’re all I have. I may not have been able to actually know you were there for another day or two, but still, you saved my life.

 

  Today I heard the nurses talking to my mom and dad from the hallway. They were telling them about you and I, and I heard one of the nurses say that I was “completely dependent” on you. This isn’t true. I have a life of my own, with or without you. It’s just that I’d rather live with you in my life. “But our Olivia used to be so bright and happy, and she used to be so carefree! HOW COULD YOU? YOU started this,” roared my mother. I didn’t understand why she was so angry with them. They brought you to me, and you were helping me. Apparently this isn’t the case. Mom and Dad didn’t want the doctors to bring you into this. Mom was very angry, and Dad was trying to calm her down. The nurse apologized to her, but Mom wouldn’t listen. She just kept yelling and cursing at her, like she was the reason you were brought to me. I wished that I could go and reassure her that everything was okay and that you were the greatest thing that ever happened to me, but even if I did, she’d probably not listen and tell me that I was confused. I know what’s good for me, and you’re good for me.

 

  The reason why I was so happy that you were given to me was because I lost my fiance in the wreck. His name was Matthias, and he was the love of my life. He proposed to me on my birthday last year, and of course I said yes. I don’t want to talk about it because I’ve moved on with my life and I don’t want to dwell on everything. You numbed my feeling of sadness due to his death. But the thing that I still can’t understand is why did I get to live and have him die? Matt was a better person than me by far. Why did he have to risk his life so that I could keep living? It’s complete and utter bullshit, but I understand why I was meant to keep living. I know that the reason why I kept living was so I could meet you and have you in my life. You’ve changed everything for me, and I know that you can never love me back, but I really just wanted to say that you’ve been the most amazing thing that ever happened to me.

 

  I love you.

 

-Olivia


	2. Chapter 2

Dear M,

 

  That last letter sounded way cornier than I had originally intended for it to be. I apologize deeply for this and I know that you wouldn’t want me to be this cheesy and absolutely stupid sounding. Honest to God, those were not my intentions. But I know that you’re probably okay with it, because you’ll still be here next to me. Thank you for that. You’re the greatest.

 

  I want to talk about something that I had strictly forbidden in my last letter--Matthias. Now I know what you’re thinking--why? And I have the answer to this. I need to completely let go of my past so that I can move onto the future. Matt and I met while we were freshmen in the same college. He and I were wanting to go into the same field. Medicine. This is ironic in every sense of the word, seeing as now I am hooked on medicines of various sorts. Matt and I started to talk to each other because we had been assigned a project together, and we kind of fell in love. So two years later, we’re still in college, now juniors, and in the middle of our anniversary date, he drops to one knee. He brought in his friend Tyler who played the violin, made a long soliloquy which I unintentionally ruined, and then asked me the question. He pulled out the box and opened it up to reveal a beautiful diamond ring.

 

  Now, by beautiful, I mean “holy fucking shit, he bought a goddamn boulder of a ring and is proclaiming his love for me and only me through it.” I was absolutely stunned and amazed at how much he could actually love me. I mean, me, of all people. He was professing his love for ME. This was a foreign territory for me. I had hardly had a crush on anyone in my entire life. I felt like a thief inside of a bank. But Matthias was very cute, very smart, and very available, and now he was proposing to me, so what else was I going to say? Yes. Duh.

 

  But you know, it wasn’t meant to be because now he’s dead and now I love you wholeheartedly. But it was heaven while it lasted. Matthias was the cutest, sweetest, friendliest guy I ever knew, and he was oodles and oodles of joy and fun. Every day with him was easily the greatest day of my life, each one topping the last marginally. Well, until the accident that got us into this whole mess, I mean. That day is one that I really could have done without. But… I guess that now I’m over it, because I met you, and you met me, and now I know how much you mean to me. Without this horrific tragedy, I never would have gotten to see you.

 

  I’m so grateful for everything you do for me, and I just wish that when I get out of this damn hospital, we can still be together. Please, don’t leave me just because you’re not really supposed to be outside of the hospital… I need you. I need you more than I need air. You’re my day-to-day, my life and death. You’re my everything. I love you so much, but I need you even more.

 

  I love you.  
  


-Olivia


	3. Chapter 3

Dear M,

Can you believe the nerve of some people in this frigging hospital? Just today, this guy from another room strides in here, says his name is Garrett, smiles all cute and flirtatiously at me, and just talks to me like I was his best friend.

Don’t be jealous, because I love you, and I did NOT welcome his advances, to say the least. I wish you would’ve been there with me. It would have made me feel so much calmer. But since you weren’t, I was so confused and upset, I didn’t know what to do. He just acted like nothing was wrong, even though we MET in a freaking HOSPITAL… So I lashed out at him. He seemed confused at first, and then he left and called the nurses.

After that, they said that I was having withdrawls from the meds they’ve been putting me on, and that they needed to give me some before I got violent.

I honestly don’t know what came over me, but… something inside of me was so pissed off, at not having you here, at having Garrett breathing down my neck, at this stupid hospital, at my parents and their un-approval of me and you… I snapped. I didn’t mean to, I honestly, one-hundred percent truly didn’t. I was just so fed up with everything, and…

Sorry, but I don’t really want to talk about it. The nurse had to talk to Garrett and he said that he understood. He was sorry, he just wanted to meet someone and make a new friend, just to give him some hope for the time he’s incapacitated. Turns out he wasn’t trying to hit on me. Can you believe it?

 

When the nurses brought you in, I was kind of a mess. I’m sure that you know what I was doing, but, I mean… you practically saved my ass from murdering all of the medical experts in the room. I could’ve left the comfort of my lovely hospital bed for the cold hard reality of a prison cell had you not came in and calmed me down. Thank you for that, by the way. I think that without you, I would be either dead or non-responsive to my parents, so… yeah. Thanks.

Honestly, I don’t know exactly what came over me. It was just a random feeling that I got from him, and I just acted on it without thinking. I honestly can’t say why I did it, other than… just me being stupid, I guess.

Sorry for that.

-Olivia


	4. Chapter 4

Dear M,

You honestly won’t believe it--I can’t believe it myself--Garrett came BACK, to apologize to ME. ME, of all people. I mean, I understand why he’d want to apologize, but I still can’t believe that after I tried to kill HIM, HE is the one saying sorry to ME.

I nodded and said, “That’s fine, although I should be the one saying sorry to you. I mean, I came out of nowhere and attacked you for no good reason, so…”

He smiled at me and said, “Don’t worry. It’s my fault. I caught you offguard, and I’m really sorry. I just wanted to come here and say that to you. I honestly can’t believe how incredibly dumb it was of me to just barge in here and expect you to be my best friend within seconds of meeting you.”

Well, he DOES have a point, however…

“No. You shouldn’t be sorry, I mean… you just wanted to talk to someone and I full-on start throwing punches and… I’m so sorry about how I reacted. Honestly, it’s my fault.”

But Garrett INSISTED that he was to blame, despite doing literally nothing wrong. He is a stubborn guy.

He shook his head as he said, “No, you’re fine. I understand that you’ve been on heavy medication for the past couple of weeks, and I really don’t mind that you reacted the way you did. You had every right. You were going without morphine to get rid of your pain for a whole day, for Pete’s sake. If that were ME, I probably would have done much worse. I probably COULD have done much worse. You’re honestly not to blame here. You’re okay.”

“Well, since you’re here, you may as well get to know me. That IS what you were trying to do yesterday, right?” I asked him.

He nodded, with a big smile on his face. “Yeah, that IS what I was trying to do. So… shoot.”

“Car accident. Going to dinner with my fiance. He didn’t make it, and I scraped by with only minor external injuries. Although my insides were pretty much shot. Been here for almost an entire month. My birthday was last week, on Thursday.”

“What was his name?” asked Garrett, obviously meaning Matthias.

“Matthias. He was amazing. He was the sweetest, smartest, kindest guy I think I’ll ever meet.” And all of what I said was true. I know that you’re the one thing in my life that I love now, but honestly, you could be a little more compliant with me.

Garrett nodded and said, “That’s really sad. I’m so sorry that you lost him. You must be completely devastated.”

“No,” I replied, almost immediately. “I still have the rest of my life to look forward to, and I’m still young, so there’s that. I was working toward my bachelor’s in education when it happened.”

Garrett nodded a lot as he listened to me talk, which Matthias never did. It was kind of comforting, like I knew that he was listening to me, and I knew that he was there, hearing me, understanding everything.

“I had a girlfriend. I was leaving her apartment after she broke up with me, and I got mugged. Stabbed five times. Once in the left leg, another in my arm, one *this* close to my heart”-he indicates how much with his fingers-”one in my shoulder on the same arm, and one in my right eye.” He points to the bandages covering the right side of his face, and I feel really bad. He’s also been through a lot.

He was MUGGED, and here, in the hospital where he should have felt the MOST SAFE, when he’s trying to make a new friend, I just come up and start beating up on him. That’s really pretty heartless.

“Wow. Oh my God, I’m really sorry, I can’t believe that… Jesus. I’m really sorry.”

He shakes his head, like he did when he was trying to insist that my hurting him was HIS fault, and for a split second, I feel like he’s going to blame HIMSELF for getting mugged outside his girlfriend’s apartment.

“Don’t be. Everything happens for a reason, and I’m all the stronger for having gone through it, so… in the end, everything that happens will have a good impact on me in the long haul, more or less.” He smiles, and I can tell that he’s truly optimistic about this. I couldn’t handle that if I were him. If I was him, I would be weak, and vulnerable, and… and breakable.

But he’s toughing through it. He’s in this to be better. He’s getting through it, better than before.

I wish I was half as strong as he was. I wish that I could suffer through the pain of having lost Matt without the use of medications. But I can’t do that, which makes me weak.

I honestly wish that maybe I could’ve toughed through this without you.

Don’t get me wrong, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, but I wish that I was strong enough to get through this tough time in my life without the aid of anyone else. I’m stupid, I’m stubborn, I’m selfish--but I want to do things for me, not for anybody other than myself. 

I’m weak. I’m vulnerable. I’m nothing without the help of outside forces.

I could never face this without you, or the meds, or the nurses, or my parents… I’m not as strong as Garrett.

I’m nothing.

-Olivia


	5. Chapter 5

Dear M,

Hey. So, I’m not getting better about having to use the meds. I’m still just as addicted as before, if not more so. I’m still just as weak and helpless as I was. Except now, I’m living off of not having any medications.

It’s hard. I can’t see you either, which makes me really angry, and moody, and it really just kind of hurts. But… I’ll get through it.

Eventually, I’ll get out of here and find a way to have you again. You’re the only thing in this world that I need.

And I’ll do anything it takes to get you back.

-Olivia


	6. Chapter 6

Dear M,

I’m panicking. I’ve been off the meds for 3 days. 3 FUCKING DAYS. I can’t function. All I can do is sit here and clench my teeth together, and hope that soon the nurses will bring me some pills so this agony can stop.

I NEED THIS.  
I NEED THE MEDICATION.  
I NEED MORPHINE.

I keep remembering Matt and I, and how we had practically everything, and… God, it hurts so much, and I need to calm down, or else the nurses will be less likely to give me meds, and I NEED. THE MEDS.

Matt is dead. He’s dead and I can’t save him and I can’t die with him and I can’t do anything except grit my teeth and shake all over and HOPE THAT THE NURSES WILL JUST GIVE ME MY MEDS!

I’m sorry. I’m really really sorry, but you don’t understand. You wouldn’t.

I need the medications like I need to breathe. They go hand in hand. Without the medications, I am practically NOTHING.

I NEED YOU.

I hope and I pray to anybody that will even listen to a druggie like me that I can just wake up and hear the nurses open the door and see that they brought you here and have you hooked up into the IV bag and into my veins and numb everything. I NEED YOU.

I. NEED. MORPHINE.

Please. Just… just come back to me… I… I need this…

-Olivia


	7. Chapter 7

Dear M,

You’re back. Yay.

I’m really sorry for the last letter I wrote to you. I didn’t mean to sound so completely insane, but… They took you from me. They took you away from me. They knew how much I depended on you for my day to day, and they TOOK YOU AWAY.

What else did they expect from someone who’s addicted to morphine?

Anyway, Garrett came back.

It actually turns out that he DOES think of me in the romantic sense.

“I had all week to think about it, and you were so messed up from not having the morphine in your system, and I didn’t want to come in again, because I was really worried that you would start hitting me and…”

He paused before telling me, like he was dropping this really huge bombshell on me. “I… I really just wanted to come see you again, okay?”

I knew that he actually wanted to tell me something else, but I couldn’t put my finger on what exactly it was.

“That’s fine. Thank you for coming back. I got really lonely, and so… yeah, it wasn’t fun for me being off of my meds. At least I finally got them back. Again, I’m really sorry for lashing out like that on you. I didn’t mean it.”

He shrugged. “No, no, it’s fine. I don’t mind. I understand. Yeah, getting taken off of your meds really sucks.”

He has no fucking idea.

-Olivia


	8. Chapter 8

Dear M,

I hate everything.

I hate my life, I hate being in this godforsaken hospital, I hate this stupid fucking room, I hate having to write letters with no hope for any sort of response, I hate Garrett, and I absolutely hate you.

You have ruined my fucking life.

I was once a normal, everyday type of girl. I had a fiance, I was going to medical school, I was going to become a doctor… I was going to change lives. I was going to save people. Hell, I might’ve been the person that found the cure for cancer.

And then the wreck happened. Which, I have to say, wasn’t actually the worst thing I’ve been through in my life. Honestly.

Which was when I met you.

You. Fuck you, by the way, did I mention how much I absolutely despise you?

When I was incapacitated, I had heard the nurse say, “Here, we’ll take all the pain away…” She had no fucking clue what she was even getting herself into.

And then she gave me a shot. Full of you. Completely filled to the brim with you. You were everywhere. You ran through my veins like an Olympic track star. I could feel the effects of you almost immediately. You became part of me, and you did take my pain away.

And I fell in love with the feeling you gave me.

You made me feel like I wasn’t rotting away in a hospital, waiting until the day that I didn’t have to rely on you. You made me feel like I was completely normal again, for the first time since the wreck.

You made me build a tolerance, only to have me beg for more of you.

Goddamn you, morphine.

-Olivia


	9. Chapter 9

Dear M,

I think I might like Garrett back.

Ever since yesterday, when he came to talk to me, I’ve been thinking a lot about things. Such as how much I absolutely hate you and I want to get better and I need to stop thinking about you and shit this is so much harder than I thought it was going to be and wow Garrett has a very beautiful eye I wish I could see the other one and maybe I’ve been taking everything completely wrong and fuck I need you and STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP

I’m sorry. I’ve been trying not to think too much about you ever since I made my mind to stop asking for you.

I suppose it’s not really working since I’m still writing you a letter.

But nonetheless, this has become a habit for me, and I’m still actually kind of glad that I’m writing you these letters, because it lets me vent about things.

Garrett is cute, though. He’s not the conventional kind of cute, but he’s definitely not atrocious to look at. He’s got this gap between his two front teeth, and you can see his freckles better when he scrunches up his nose, and his laugh is somehow really high-pitched and clear even though his voice is low and gravelly sounding, and his eyes are really rich brown and I swear that I could get lost in them if I kept looking enough, and his skin is this really soft-looking kind of chocolatey color that kind of makes me feel warm, and…

I might be crushing a bit. Okay, let’s be real. I might be crushing a LOT.

But this is good! This means that there’s still hope for me. Tomorrow I’m going to ask him if he can help me get through this. I know that he would want to volunteer to help me anyway, but I want to have the extra incentive to do it now.

If I don’t do this for Garrett, then I can’t do this for anyone.

My life resides in his hands.

-Olivia


	10. Chapter 10

Dear M,

He… He kissed me.

-Olivia


	11. Chapter 11

Dear M,

I suppose I should elaborate on the previous letter. It was rather short, and didn’t accurately convey the feelings that I was trying to get across.

Okay, imagine a 10-year-old girl being told that she just received VIP concert tickets to whatever particular boy band she fancies, AND that she was going to get backstage to meet them, AND that she was getting a new puppy that day as well, AND that she would never have to do homework again in a million years, AND that the one guy in the band that she was completely infatuated with was going to propose to her.

That is just a tiny fraction of the many things I felt during the kiss with Garrett.

It happened so suddenly that I’m still not completely convinced that it actually happened. I’m pretty sure that it might have just been a dream.

But yeah. Figured I’d tell you that.

Uh… he knows that I like him back now, and we made a promise that as soon as we’re both out of the hospital, we’re going to start dating properly.

I’m very excited, and I don’t need you at all.

-Olivia


	12. Chapter 12

Dear M,

Fuck.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

Garrett is dead.

Garrett… is… dead.

I still can’t even begin to process this.

It’s all your fucking fault. Turns out that Garrett is one of the very few people on the face of the Earth that has a true morphine allergy.

And since he hadn’t been on morphine until yesterday, he had just been given it because his eye injury was beginning to grow much more painful than before, and the other medicine just wasn’t cutting it anymore. He had told me about it but he had never really elaborated on it much. I wasn’t really concerned until now. He didn’t even know that he had an allergy to morphine. He had never had to deal with that kind of allergy before.

The hospital didn’t know that, either.

There was a mass emergency surgery where practically every doctor in the hospital was required in some way to help another person, and when the warnings went off, they knew that it was either Garrett’s life or the lives of about 26 other people.

They took the odds of the 26 people surviving much more than the odds of 1 person.

And now Garrett is dead.

Because of you.

I’ve never hated you more in my life.

But I know that if I don’t come back to you, and you don’t come back to me, the pain of knowing that Garrett is dead will never ever leave me.

So please.

Come back.

We can get our “Great American Romance” started again.

-Olivia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (For clarification, in case anyone wasn't sure - Olivia's letters written to "M" are written to Morphine. Morphine is the M in question, and she's addicted to it.)


End file.
